


As Much As I Ever Could

by plainjayn



Category: Rey - Fandom, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: F/M, M/M, Save the ones you love, Slow Burn, This Is Not Going To Go The Way You Think, Trope city, pain is the game, plot twists in every corner
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-07
Updated: 2018-09-16
Packaged: 2019-07-08 05:25:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 12,757
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15923786
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/plainjayn/pseuds/plainjayn
Summary: Rey is 17 years old, just starting her summer before her Senior Year at Yavin High school.Aside from having an utterly shitty childhood, her life is alright. Until she spots him walking across the courtyard, that is.There's just something about Kylo Ren that Rey can't quite figure out.And Kylo hopes she doesn't.





	1. (PROLOGUE) Child of the Desert

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> QUEUE INTRO.

17 year old Rey is anything but typical. A nobody from nowhere, traded from foster home to foster home as a young child.

You see, Rey had been left by her parents since before she was old enough to understand abandonment, and so she’d mentally track the days until they would come back. Because they would- they’d said they would. And she had believed them.

But things changed. After the fourth or fifth home, a man by the name of Unkar Plutt came to her rescue by providing “proof” that her parents had meant to leave her with him- that he was her Uncle by some extension. It could have been her salvation; Finally, someone that knew her parents. Plutt, however, turned out to be anything but a parent, and there was absolutely no way they were related. He worked her to exhaustion every night in his repair shop- scavenging, sorting, and cleaning parts from cars that would be scrapped anyway. Her calloused fingers and constant scrawny frame from lack of nutrition were all so that he could make an extra buck by selling those parts “like new” to unknowing customers.

But, as difficult as those years with him were, they strengthened her resolve; To let the past die. It was the only way to move forward once she got out of the system. Her real parents were never coming back- that much she had accepted. So instead of counting the days it had been since they’d promised they would come back for her, she would count the days she survived Hell as proof that she could come out thriving.

At 16, Rey received news that she was to transfer homes. After eight years with Plutt, she would be moving from the blistering heat of Arizona to some rainy city in Washington state. She should have been relieved, really. But with only a couple years to go, and the possibility that her new foster parent could be even worse, Rey did not hope. She only continued to move forward.

Her meeting with her new guardian was... pleasantly quiet. A shorter man with a shaggy mop of dirty blonde hair and a graying beard showed up in a brown tunic over cropped Khaki pants. His sandals made almost no noise as he moved to sit down in front of her. Few words were exchanged- that she would be his ward until she turned eighteen, that he had already enrolled her in school and she would be an only child at his home. When she had asked his name, she was only provided with: L. Starkiller. The caseworker did not elaborate.

And so because of Starkiller's lack of presence after she’d moved in, leaving Rey to peacefully live pretty much on her own, she’d found the transition to be easy.

Rey started her new school as a junior, but she would be younger than the rest for a while, as her birthday was in April. September rolled around in the blink of an eye and Rey settled into her new high school easily. It wasn’t hard; She stayed out of everyone’s way, so they stayed out of hers.

By the time December arrived, she had even made two very good friends Finn Storm and Rose Tico. She could even consider Jessika Pava a good friend- though Jessika would be graduating this year and Rey thinks that’ll be the end of that.

Still, there remains a hollowness deep inside her chest that never goes away, a pain even worse than the desertion by her parents. Because they were dead, she’d already decided that to be their end. But this emptiness… How do you miss someone you can’t even remember?


	2. Dead Men Tell No Tales

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's the last day of Rey's Junior Year at Yavin High School.
> 
> She sees Kylo for the first time and apparently people think he's an asshole.

Rey, Rose, and Finn are sitting at a round table in the school courtyard. It’s the last day for juniors and lowerclassmen, as seniors had finished two weeks prior. Still, the upperclassmen mingle around the campus to sign yearbooks and say goodbye to their younger peers; To wish them good summers and positivity for their following years. And it is there, while sitting at the table that she notices him walking underneath covered walkway, across the yard.

Rose catches her stare and follows her line of sight. Rey’s friend rolls her eyes and goes back to looking through her yearbook. “Don’t even think about it,” she clips. “One, he’s like in his twenties. Two, I hear he’s a dick. And three, he’s the Superintendent’s son, so probably off limits to a student. Also, I’m pretty sure he and Kaydel are a thing- they basically grew up together and he’s in her office a lot for someone who doesn’t even work here.”

Finn chimes in, “Mister Tall, Dark, and Asshole himself, who else. His name is Kylo Ren. He co-owns the Acht-To Temple with his uncle Luke Skywalker, but last I heard, Mister Skywalker disappeared and just dumped the business on Kylo. In my opinion, I do NOT think a nice girl like Kaydel Connix would go for someone like him. He has no business at the school but has been snooping around here since the beginning of the year. I’m surprised you’ve just now seen him- all the girls go nuts over that guy.”

How could she have gone the whole year without ever seeing him indeed. Something about the way he walks, the shape of his face- pulls at the back of her mind but she can’t place it.

She tenses when she sees him pivot abruptly and turn towards her, as if he’d heard them talking. She puts her head down and nudges Rose with her knee.

“Rose. Rose! He’s coming this way,” she says under her breath. She doesn’t even know this guy but she’s already nervous.

Rose looks up from her book with a bored expression, but then her mouth forms an O shape, her eyes going wide. Rey hears footsteps stop behind her.

“Rose Tico?” He says. His voice is deep, a velvety thundering concoction that rumbles Rey’s chest.

Rey can actually see Rose gulp. “Y-yes. That’s me,” she responds timidly.

“Kaydel asked me to get this message to you,” he says. Rey’s back is still turned to him because for some reason, she cannot make her body turn around. A tattooed arm comes over her shoulder, holding out a fluorescent yellow slip of paper. 

Rose takes way too long to take the paper from his hands. And Rey has to be imagining it, but it takes him way too long to drop his hand.

“Th-thank you,” Rose stutters as she quickly buries her face in the note.

“See you kids around. Finn, Rose,” he pauses, “Rey.” 

She hardly registers him walking past her because the way her names sounds in his voice gives her tunnel vision and her mind goes blank.

“Rey? Rey are you okay?” a hand is gently shaking her shoulder loose. Rey comes to, but she can feel the headache forming. She recognizes it's Finn talking to her. “Hey, are you alright Peanut? I think you might have had another episode.” 

Rey blinks away her confusion and shakes her head. “No, no I’m fine.”

Finn and Rose look at her with concern, but they know better than to argue with Rey about her “episodes”, because she refuses to believe that’s what they are anyway. 

At the beginning of the year, during a night out with Jessika, Rey was involved in a bad car accident. After two weeks in a coma, Rey woke up to the news that she may experience some temporary memory loss but should recover within the year. She was advised that at times, when her brain is trying to remember, she may experience migraines or headaches, which is normal. If the headache doesn’t go away after medication or time, then it’s a trip to the hospital. 

Rey stopped experiencing the headaches about six months out, and her friends and teachers had confirmed that she seemed back to normal.

Because of that, there is no way that every headache she gets is an “episode”, and she makes her two close friends _very_ aware that she is completely and absolutely back to normal.

“What does the note say, Rose?” Rey asks as she leans over to read it anyway.

The smile on Rose’s face is so wide, Rey thinks the edges of her mouth might touch her ears. “My sister is coming home!” She shrieks.

Rose’s sister Paige is a fighter pilot for the Navy, and hadn’t been expected to return home for leave until the middle of summer. The note left for Rose mentioned she’d be coming in tomorrow. Usually, homecomings were meant to be surprises, but with Rose, especially Rose- she would actually get angry at Paige for trying to surprise here. So, a note to the school was as much a surprise as allowed.

The excitement radiates off of Rose as Rey and Finn huddle together to talk animatedly about Paige’s homecoming and their plans for her stay.

It eases the ache that had been spreading across the back of Rey’s skull.


	3. Acquainted

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey blacks out at a grad party and guess who takes her home!

It’s early evening when Rose shows up to Rey’s house, her 2002 Honda Accord idling in the driveway. She can see Finn sitting in the backseat, bobbing his head to Grime music, most likely. Finn has a love for UK Rap- something he fell hard into after discovering a video on Youtube.

“Rey, you look… Wow!” Rose eyes her up and down through the doorway.

Rey hunches her shoulders sheepishly. “Is this too much?”

“No way! I mean… There are going to be older people”- she means boys- “there so, dress to impress girl!”

“Oh my god Rose, I am not going to this party for that! Jessika invited us to celebrate her graduation, so that’s what we’re doing. That’s ALL we’re doing, got it?” But Rey is already laughing as she locks up the door behind her, and they walk to Rose’s car together.

“WOW REY,” is all that comes out of Finn’s mouth when she gets in the car and closes the door.

“You shut your mouth, Finn Storm,” she laughs.

 

Rey doesn’t have nice clothes- she’s never felt the need for them. She would go to school in sweats every day if she could- and she probably does more often than she should. But when Jessika Pava invited her (and by extension, Rose and Finn) to her graduation party, Rey felt obligated to dress a little… nicer. She and Rose had gone shopping, and they had picked out similar outfits; Rey chose dark wash super skinny jeans that she would pair with a flowy red tank top, finished off with a low pair of black strappy heels. She would take a pair of black flats just in case. Rose picked out a pair of white skinny jeans and a navy blue blouse that sat across her chest, hanging off the shoulders. She chose the safe route for shoes and paired the outfit with a pair of tan wedges.

Finn, however, was always dressed to impress. He had been growing his hair longer over the year and had gone to his aunt’s shop to have it dreaded.

 

“Your hair looks great!” Rey comments as they’re driving down the freeway. 

“Hurts like a bitch, I’ll tell you what,” he responds, but in a good manner anyway. For the party, he’s dressed in black jeans with Jordan sneakers that match his blue and white bomber jacket. His hair has been twisted into medium length dreads and he wears them back in a small ponytail- some of the twists aren’t long enough and fall into his face.

Rey has to admit, she and her friends look much more grown. They should, after all, if they’re going to be hanging out with graduating seniors.

Rey knows the way to Jessika’s house well. She’d spent some weekends there, helping Jessika work on her car or doing homework.

 

Rose and Finn never liked the fact that she and Rey seemed to be good friends anywhere but school, but Rey would defend the friendship. It’s not that Jessika was rude to her on campus- they just didn’t have classes together and didn’t really have much need to hang out with each other at school, so it would seem as if Jessika ignored her. Regardless, when Rey told them she was invited to Jessika’s grad party, her friends immediately bombarded her with questions and comments:

 _Who are you going with!?_  
_What are you going to wear! Rey you look like a sewer rat most of the time- hey it’s true!_  
_I can’t believe she actually wants to hang out with you in front of other people!?_  
_You’re gonna have to tell us about it!_

When Rey added that it was okay for them to come too, all their attitude toward Jessika dropped like it was never there in the first place. Rey laughed at her friends’ fickleness.

 

So now they’re slowly pulling up to the line of cars formed along the large perimeter fence of Pava Manor.

“Wow… I’ve never seen a house this big in real life before,” Rose comments in awe. Her car continues to crawl forward as she looks for a parking spot, allowing Finn to ogle the mansion as well. “What kind of car is _that_ …” Rose asks in a gasp as she stops next to the vehicle in question. She loves her Accord- mostly because it was Paige’s, passed down to her when she left for service, but because Rey has a forced appreciated for cars, Rose has learned to notice when a vehicle is meant to be admired.

Parked directly behind Jessika’s blacked out, wide stanced BMW, is a Dodge Challenger. The color scheme of flat black and _orange_ is strange, Rey admits. But it’s set up even more aggressive than Jess’s race car, with wheels the at least a foot wide, and that when it clicks in her brain.

“That, my friends, is Poe Dameron’s Dodge Challenger,” she says in similar appreciation.

Jessika is dating an older guy, everybody knows it but nobody had believed her for the longest time because she refused to kiss and tell. Many of her peers had thought she made him up to seem cooler. Although, Rey doesn’t see why a girl like Jessika Pava needed a hotshot boyfriend to be any cooler anyway. When Poe showed up at school on the last day for seniors, the students- boys and girls alike- practically drooled at the charisma that oozed from him. 

“Poe? As in… The mysterious older boyfriend Poe?” Finn asks as he leans his body outside of the window to get a better look at Poe’s car. He whistles, long and low.

“Oh my god, I am really glad we dressed up for this. Look who else is here,” Rose says from the driver’s seat.

Rey and Finn look ahead to the figures walking in front of her Rose’s car. 

Kylo Ren is strolling across the street with none other than Kaydel by his side. 

All three friends watch the pair walk toward the mansion, feeling just a little small compared to the sophisticated older couple.

“So. Is this when we turn around and leave?” Rose groans.

Rey, always the daring one, bites back, “Nonsense. They’re just people, like us. Older and much much more attractive, but that’s it. Nothing to be nervous about. Watch-”

Rey sticks her head out the window before Rose can stop her.

“Kaydel!” She calls out.

Kaydel and Kylo stop and turn around.

“Hey!” Kaydel responds. “You guys made it!” Her smile is genuine and she leans in toward Kylo as he whispers something to her. “Hey, we’ll see you inside, okay?” She calls out again before heading towards the house again, hand in hand with Kylo.

“You did NOT just do that, Rey!” Rose giggles. 

“Wow. Just wow. I guess I owe you twenty bucks, Rose,” Finn mutters under his breath. He had bet Rose after their run in with Kylo at school that Kaydel was definitely NOT with Kylo.

 

The air is already thick inside the house, the music blaring around them as the trio fight their way to a safe spot, which lands them underneath the left stairway in the foyer. On their way in, Rey notices that they are indeed the only lowerclassmen at the party. She hasn’t seen Jessika yet, but that’s not who she’s looking for anyway. Rey can’t help the strange need to search the crowds for him, and it’s not hard to spot him almost immediately. 

Kylo Ren is at least half a head taller than most of the party goers. Then, as if on some kind of telepathic queue, he turns to her, their eyes locking. He shoots two very quick glances to the friends flanking her before returning his gaze back to her. He makes the smallest smirk and then he’s gone- hidden into the crowd.

She braces the small table near her as it happens- a dull pain drumming into her temples and back of her head, right above the base of her neck. She freezes up and sees a flash of white before she falls over.

 

Rey wakes up in a bedroom- she recognizes it as the spare room she’d used when she stayed the night at Jessika’s. 

There is quiet chatter in the corner of the room- Rey can still hear the music booming outside the door. As her vision clears up, she sees Rose and Finn huddled together, talking animatedly. She can sense worry in their voices.

“Hey,” Rey calls out. Her voice is raspy. 

Her friends rush over and lean over her, hands immediately coming to her forehead and then brushing her hair back and then rubbing her back.

“Guys I feel fine, really.” But she doesn’t. These headaches lately feel way too familiar, and she hates it. It means needs to start trying to remember what she forgot.

The door knob clicks and Rey watches it turn in slow motion.

She gasps at the three people who enter the room.

“Oh thank god,” Jessika gasps as she rushes over to Rey. “Rey, you need to get yourself to a doctor. You can’t keep denying it! These are the same headaches you used to get when you were recovering.” Rey and Finn had already moved off the bed and scooted themselves back into the corner as the three new guests crowd around the bed.

“Yikes. You don’t look well,” says thee Poe Dameron. This is the first time Rey’s seen him up close, and he’s unbelievably handsome. His hair is a gorgeous jet black coif of soft curls, some of them falling into his face. His skin is a beautiful brown color that compliments his hair perfectly. And when he speaks, a small accent leftover from his Hispanic ancestry linger in his words.

But it’s not his presence, nor Jessika’s, or even her bewildered friends in the corner that steal her attention. 

Kylo Ren is standing there, too; His commanding presence makes the room seem way too small for him.

“Rey… This is Poe’s friend, Kylo. He’s medically trained. I asked him to look at your head, if that’s okay. We’re just very worried about you,” Jessika pleads. 

Rey only nods slightly as Kylo walks over to her and pulls up a chair from the desk in the room. The others have moved into one side of the room and suddenly Rey feels so very alone with Kylo this close to her. There is almost a magnetic pull she feels to him. She can’t explain it.

“Rey,” he says in the softest voice, “I need you to turn towards me.”

She does so without question. Her legs sit awkwardly between his knees. She notices he sits a little far from her for someone who is going to be examining her, but he is so tall that his knees have no place to go but around hers. She makes sure to keep her hands and knees to herself.

“I’m going to feel around your head, is that okay?”

She nods again.

The moment his fingers touch her temple, she thinks she feels an electric shock, but he does not react, so maybe it was nothing. He moves around her head and then down her neck, pushing harder in some spots.

“Any pressure?” He asks, gently pressing his fingers over what she assumes are pressure points.

“Not any more than what was there,” she responds.

Kylo gets up abruptly, almost as if he needed to physically be away from her, and moves over to the others.

“I think she’ll be okay for tonight. But, it’s best if she goes home. I don’t think this atmosphere is going to help her,” Kylo says.

The others murmur in agreement.

When the crew breaks up, Rose and Finn come over to her and tell her they’ll take her home; It’s not a big deal.

Rey protests. “But we just got here! I’d feel so bad if you had to leave because of me…”

Jessika comes between her friends. Rey’s not sure why she’s never noticed before how different they are. Rose and Finn are- _cute_. Jessika, however, is on another level; She is tall, her sleek black hair hangs dead straight to her waist. Her West Asian background shows in her prominent cheekbones, which tonight have been painted a soft pink to go with her natural makeup. Of course, she’s stunning to look at even without makeup on.

“Nonsense! You guys are welcome to stay! Besides… I think it’s best if Kylo takes her home. If something happens along the way, he’ll know how to handle it until emergency comes.” Jessika offers.

Rey’s heart lunges into her stomach. 

She can see her friends warring with themselves over whether to stay. Rey really would feel terrible if they left because of her, especially if they’ve now been personally invited to stay by Jessika herself.

“What about Kaydel?” Rey asks, not forgetting the way she and Kylo were walking hand in hand earlier. Surely he would want his girlfriend with him if he was leaving?

“She’ll be fine,” Kylo answers.

It seems like the decision has already been made, so the team help Rey out of the house toward the line of cars parked outside the fence. Once they make it just outside the perimeter fence, Kylo offers to take Rey the rest of the way himself. 

 

When they’ve said their goodbyes and it’s just Rey and Kylo, she feels the sudden need to apologize for inconveniencing him.

“It’s fine,” he says. 

As they're walking towards it, Rey is stunned to see a black Nissan coupe that seems way too small to fit Kylo’s large frame. She notices it’s also been lowered on wider wheels and thick tires, made to grip the road. She silently wonders how funny he looks trying to climb into it. She also wonders if he's ever participated in the mountain runs Jessika used to take her to, before the accident. 

“Ah… Sorry, it’s going to kind of be a pain the ass to get in this thing. I would have taken a more conventional car had I expected company... Let me help you,” he says as he opens the passenger door for her. She wonders what he means by expecting company. Hadn’t he and Kaydel shown up together? She notices the racing harnesses on the bucket seats.

 _Ah. Unconventional._ “Oh, I know how to work those.”

“Ah, right…” He says. Still, he makes no move to leave her.

She gets in and straps herself down expertly. She looks up at him from where she sits and gives him a thumbs up, and then immediately puts her hand down, feeling like an idiot.

_A thumbs up… Really, Rey!? Are you ten!?_

He seems to catch her internal struggle and gives her a crooked smile before going over to the driver side to let himself in.

The car roars to life, exhaust screeching into the night when he peels away from his parking spot.


	4. Nothing But Trouble

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo shows up at Rey's house the next morning.

Saturday mornings are always quiet in L’s house. L, that’s what she calls her guardian, considering he never provided a first name and saying Starkiller out loud just felt… weird. Although, maybe L isn’t much better.

Her foster father is never around much. He shows up once every couple weeks to check up on her- make sure the fridge is stocked and that she has enough money. He sends her emails in between.

She wonders sometimes if his “parenting” is up to foster standards, but she’ll never say a peep of it out loud because the freedom she has now is beyond amazing. Rey knows she is a good kid just as well. She remains in the top grades at school. She rarely stays out late, and when she does, it’s only with Rose and/or Finn. She doesn’t hang out with bad crowds- she doesn’t hang out with any crowds really. Jessika’s party was the first “party” she’d allowed herself to go to, and L didn’t seem worried about it either when she’d told him. 

It’s ten in the morning when she’s finally done laying in bed “resting”, as Kylo had instructed her very sternly when he dropped her off last night. 

She’s only beginning to roll out of bed when she hears the door ring. The door never rings. L would always let himself in and announce his presence out loud once he was inside. Finn and Rose would always call or text first.

Rey hastily puts on a pair of worn leggings and an oversized Twilight sweater she had picked up while thrift store shopping with Rose last winter. Rose almost wouldn’t leave the store unless Rey put the ridiculous God awful sweater back, but it only made Rey want to tease her friend more by buying it and wearing it every time they were together. 

She doesn’t bother to brush her teeth or hair because Rey assumes it’s some kind of marketing representative anyway, and she’ll just say her parents aren’t home and she’s a minor- the usual.

Curiously, the doorbell hadn’t rang again while she was getting ready. She takes a peek through the peephole in case the salesperson had decided to leave after all. Her breath catches in her throat.

She internally screams, and then externally groans.

She looks through the peephole again and sure enough, Kylo Ren is leaning casually against the porch railing, on his cellphone.

She takes a big breath and opens the door slowly, other hand trying to flatten out her hair. There’s nothing she can do about her morning breath.

When the door is open, she doesn’t know what to say, so she stands there, in her holey leggings and Twilight sweater with the photo of Bella leaning into Edward’s chest printed loudly across the whole front.

Kylo gives her a lookover and then breaks into a grin- a full-on shit eating grin. Rey’s nervousness falls off her bones in an instant, and she’s only left with mild annoyance.

“Uh. Hi?” She says.

“Hey. I was in the neighborhood this morning and wanted to check in on you,” he says nonchalantly. 

“I feel much better, thanks. Thanks for taking me home last night- you really didn’t have to.”

“I already said it’s fine,” he responds.

_Okay so it’s not so much that he’s a dick. He just… Doesn’t know how to talk to people…_

“So… Did you want to come inside? Or…” She is looking anywhere but him.

His pause causes her to glance at him quickly, and sure enough, he is looking right at her. Though, his expression is funny, like he’s fighting some internal struggle?

“It’s probably better if I don’t,” he says.

“Headaches aren’t contagious, Kylo,” Rey jokes, kind of hoping he’d just come inside already instead of standing outside her doorway. The Twilight sweater starts to feel sillier every second she stands there in it.

“I have an idea,” he says. “Get dressed. I’ll be waiting out here when you come out.” It’s not a suggestion. Rey notices that everything he says seems to have an air of authority to it.

“Okay…” She says awkwardly. “I’ll just… I’ll get ready now. I promise I won’t be long.”

“Take your time, kid,” he says as he turns to walk toward his menacing vehicle parked in her driveway. It sticks out like a sore thumb in the suburban neighborhood.

The faint pulling in her head starts again, but then stops as she’s viciously brushing her teeth. Or maybe it’s that she’s trying desperately to distract her brain from the person waiting outside her house.

 

When Rey’s hair is fixed and plopped into a messy bun over her head, her teeth are brushed, and she’s put on clothes- holed skinny jeans with a plain black t-shirt and some old Converses, she walks out to meet Kylo. His face is down in his phone, so he doesn’t immediately see her, which gives her time to really look at him.

Kylo Ren is probably six-foot-three, a hulking mass of muscle and tattoos- as far as she can tell, he’s covered from neck to wrist in intricate black designs. A name is tattooed across his throat, but she can’t really make out what is says. The first letter looks like an “H”. The skin that isn’t covered in ink is a pale olive, speckled in moles. His hair- his hair is even better than Poe’s! It’s dark and just a little wavy, sitting right above his collar. He’s wearing dark fitted jeans, fancy looking leather boots, and a dark grey t-shirt. Maybe it’s the Ray-Bans perched on his nose, but Rey suddenly feels very poorly dressed, even though she acknowledges that they’re basically dressed the same. 

He looks up then, right as finishes assessing him. He looks upset, but his furrowed brows ease out when he sees her. His reaction shouldn’t make _her react_ , but it does.

Rey doesn’t even have to open her mouth to ask what they’re doing. Kylo seems to pick up on her thoughts well- way too good for someone she’s literally known for like a couple days.

“Brunch,” he says with a level tone.

“Oh you really don’t have to,” she argues again, but the way she stutters, a surprised reaction to his offer, makes her less convincing. She's also actually very hungry, but that's not a feeling that ever goes away. Not for Rey. First driving her home, then dropping by to check on her the following day, and now breakfast? “You’ve already done so much for me. You really don’t have to.”

Rey sees him roll his eyes behind his dark glasses. At least that’s what she think he’s doing. “Come on, get in. I promise I’ll stop pestering you after I feed you.”

 

On the way to breakfast, Rey replays his their short conversations in her head again and again. She can’t figure him out. Just days ago, she’d finally noticed him at school even though he’d apparently been hanging around there for a while, and now she’s sitting next to him in his tiny car, going to breakfast like old pals. She considers the fact that both Finn and Rose seem to think he’s an asshole, but she doesn’t see it. Sure, he can be short sometimes when he talks, but there’s never any malice to his words. And, if he and Kaydel really were together, Rey just couldn’t see someone like Registrar Office Manager Kaydel putting up with an asshole boyfriend.

 

She feels a nudge on her upper arm and comes out of her daydream.

“Hey- no spacing out. It’s too early for that,” Kylo warns. It’s supposed to be a joke, maybe?

“Oh, sorry. I really was just spacing out that time, promise.”

 

They pull into a parking lot behind an old brick building. It’s a small lot, only twenty or so spaces. 

When they come around the front of the building, Rey looks up and reads the sign out loud, “Kanata Bakery.”

Kylo holds the door open for her when they enter- a doorbell chimes as it closes behind them.

There are no other customers in the bakery at the moment so his voice booms even louder than usual and startles Rey. “Maz!”

“Ren? Is that you?” A voice responds from somewhere behind a counter on the far wall, opposite to them.

“Yeah, Maz. It’s me,” he calls out.

“Well what are you doing standing out there still? Get back here and help me prep tables for the lunch rush!”

Kylo looks down at Rey with a smirk, and then takes her gently by the arm, pulling her toward the woman’s voice.

“Maz, I brought a friend,” he says.

And then everything goes quiet. Rey can hear Dean Martin crooning from a really crappy speaker located somewhere in the shop. The clinging and clanging in the back room had stopped almost immediately after Kylo mentioned his guest.

 

Rey hears footsteps- well, more like scurrying- from behind the counter. 

Rey’s eyes go wide.

Maz is tiny, but the look in her eyes as they lock on to Rey is fierce and powerful, and she suspects that it’s not her just eyes that are fierce.

“Ren… You should have called me. I would have made arrangements for you and your… friend,” Maz says in her accented voice. Maybe Caribbean. 

Kylo drops his grasp on Rey’s upper arm and steps back from her.

Maz takes a curious glance at Kylo before turning her soul searching stare back to Rey. 

“Maz… This is Rey. Rey, this is my Aunt Maz.” Kylo introduces them but stays standing behind Rey, which makes her feel uncomfortable because there is no way to escape or hide away from this pirate woman who has gotten so close to her, she’s craning her neck up just to stay locked on Rey’s face.

Almost as if to answer Rey’s question of WHAT THE HECK IS THIS WOMAN DOING, Kylo chuckles as he says, “She can read people- or so she says. Don’t worry Rey, Maz doesn’t bite. She does however, make some amazing food so why don’t we go and sit somewhere before she burns holes in you with her laser vision.”

In an almost mystical voice, Maz says to Rey, “I've lived long enough to see the same eyes in different people.”

And truth be told, Maz does really seem old, _ancient_ even. But not in a mortal way. The way she speaks and carries herself makes Rey think of shamans or perhaps a pirate queen that uses black magic and crystal balls and spells and-

“Ren’s right though! This old woman makes a mean omelette. What say you, Rey? Would you like to give this lady a hand in the kitchen? Since your boy over there is as useless as ever!”

Rey doesn’t really know how to respond right away because of the sudden change in topic AND the fact that Maz just called Kylo her _boy_ …

“Alright, let’s stop trying to creep her out.. She’s recovering from being sick. If I help you in the kitchen, can she go sit down?” But Kylo has started walking towards what Rey assumes to be the kitchen.

Maz looks at Rey and juts a thumb over her shoulder at the giant strutting into the back room, “Scoundrel! Just like his father, I tell you.” And then she leaves.

 

Rey feels a wave of nausea hit so she frantically searches for a bathroom. From where she is standing, she sees a singular door with the words “Restroom- Employees Only” on it to her left, right behind the counter. Across the shop to her far right, she sees two doors labeled “Women’s” and “Men’s”. The Employee Only option is much closer though, and Rey just has to assume that Maz would be less angry that she used the Employee bathroom than if she threw up on the floor trying to get to the other side.

Rey wishes something would just come out instead of wasting her time hunched over a way too immaculate toilet, dry heaving.

When the nausea finally stops, she goes to the sink and rinses her mouth anyway.

Rey closes the bathroom door quietly behind her and tip toes towards the end of the counter so she can sneak back to the other side of it, where she was left standing before the duo bickered their way into the kitchen.

Before she makes it passed the entrance to the kitchen, she hears their voices and chickens out. Some irrational part of her brain still thinks there’s a possibility that Maz could be at the very least annoyed that she used a restricted facility. She backs up against the wall closer to the Employee bathroom. With nowhere else to go, she’s forced to eavesdrop. 

 

_“This is not a good idea.”_

_“Don’t you think I know that?”_

_“What happened? I thought you had changed your mind.”_

_“I did! I have! And I should have fucking stayed away but as soon as I saw her again, I couldn’t. I had been trying so hard to keep a distance, too.”_

_“You’re in for trouble, son. You’re not… You’re not the same. I might understand- I won’t judge you. But when she finds out, and women _always_ find out the truth, you better be prepared.”_

_Maz continues, “You can still change, Ben. You can-”_

_“Don’t call me that. And you just said you wouldn’t judge.”_

Rey winces at his tone, it’s the first time she’s heard any kind of rudeness in the way he speaks. Then she hears a smack- like Maz might have given him a sharp whack upside the head, although there's no way that's physically possible. Rey tries not to snicker at the image of it.

_“What I am saying is that by the time she knows the truth, you’ll be so far roped into your game with that _animal_ you associate with that you will destroy her.”_

More pause.

_“I know,” Kylo responds quietly. And then, even more quietly, “But I’m not going to let that happen. I’ll leave. Before she figures it out, I’ll go.I just need to make sure she’s okay.”_

_Maz sighs audibly. “You don’t need to go, you know that. But if that is your choice, then do it. If you ever want to come back, you know where I am.”_

They don’t continue to speak, their voices replaced by the sound of metal clanging and something crunchy being cut up.

Rey runs across the opening to the kitchen as quietly as possible. When she makes it to the end of the counter, she sits down at the nearest table, which happens to be one tucked into the farthest back corner.

She puts her head down, trying hard not to think about the overheard conversation. 

The door chime jingles and Rey’s head snaps up. A customer walks in but goes straight to the big display case to the left of the store, where Maz has an assortment of cakes and other pastries ready to purchase.

Rey becomes anxious. It’s not like she works there. But for some reason, knowing Maz and Kylo might still be.. discussing whatever they're discussing… Rey doesn’t want to interrupt them, so she needs to decide between staying put until the customer might ring the counter bell or maybe just getting up and helping them? Besides, Rey had worked at a sweets shop in her local mall the previous summer, so what could be so hard? When it comes time to ring up, she’ll just figure out the cost of the items. Rey got a look at the register system as she was making her way out from the bathroom- it was simple. Most items were listed on a color coordinated touch screen anyway, so checking out should be intuitive.

Rey gets up from her table and straightens out her clothes the best she can and walks over to the customer, who is a middle aged woman carrying a very expensive handbag. Her hair is tinted purple, as are a lot of the accessories she wears. Rey notices that she’s looking at cakes behind the glass.

“Hello there!” Rey says, putting on a cheery tone. “Can I help you find anything today?”

The woman turns to her and looks her up and down, probably deciding she doesn’t want help from someone who looks like a street urchin. By the way the customer is dressed, Rey profiles that she’s probably some kind of haughty rich lady that is only visiting this old shop because she “heard that it has the best raspberry white chocolate mousse cakes” only to be disappointed that the white chocolate isn’t some gourmet stuff from Italy.

Rey is wrong.

The woman smiles a genuine, soft smile, and actually engages. “You know what? Could you help me, please? I’m looking for something simple for one of the assistants at the office. It’s his year anniversary so I think that deserves a celebration!”

Rey jumps right in and looks over the selection with her. She might not know exactly what each item is, but she can put figure it out by reading the labels and ransacking her brain for other deserts that might be similar. Plus, Rey’s love for food makes this exciting.

“What is your name, by the way? I’ve never seen you here before,” the customer says as they look at the cakes at the top level.

“Uh. Rey. I uh… I’m just helping out for a little bit.”

“Well, Rey. I certainly appreciate it. My name is Amilyn. Kinda weird, right? People call me Amy.”

“Oh… Amilyn is a very pretty name, not weird at all! It’s nice to meet you!”

“Likewise.”

And so because Rey is so dedicated to helping this customer of hers, she misses the way Maz smiles deviously and Kylo, well- he isn’t happy. Because this is absolutely going to be nothing but trouble.


	5. Rumor Has It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey tries not to lie by omission. Rose plays detective.

“Thank you! Have a wonderful day!” Rey calls out as Amilyn leaves the bakery with not one but three cakes as well as a large assortment of pastries. She’s amazed the woman can carry it all by herself, and she had offered to help carry it out, but Amilyn adamantly refused.

Rey is standing near the exit when she hears the clapping from behind her. She turns around to see Maz shuffling towards her with the brightest expression on her face, and Kylo right on her tail, the annoyance clear on his.

“Come, child. I want to talk to you about--” Maz chuckles and beams as she takes Rey by the hand and leads her back toward the kitchen, “employment!”

As they pass, Kylo reaches one long arm out to grip Rey’s shoulder, stopping the pair.

“Maz,” Kylo says quietly. “You can’t just give her a job.”

Maz scoffs, “Are you sure about that?”

Rey can see Kylo’s lips disappear into a thin line, and then he purses them back out and works his jaw in a weird way. 

“What if she doesn’t want to work for you?”

“Nonsense. I am the best boss you could ever have. You might have known that, if you stuck around,” Maz retorts with a curious glint in her eyes. “Besides, it’s the perfect summertime job! What else would she be doing with her time? Hanging out with you?”

Kylo drops his hand from Rey’s shoulder, seemingly defeated. “And you’re sure that working _here_ is the best idea?”

“Why, _you_ don’t think it’s the best idea?” Maz chides.

There’s another meaning there. Rey’s head is just too busy catching up on the last hour of events that she’s still waiting to figure out what’s going on right now.

Kylo and Maz have an interesting relationship. Rey can already see the nature of it by having spent just the morning with them. And the strange conversation that she had overheard- which, by the way, she’d completely forgotten about until now- just adds to the mystery.

She awkwardly clears her throat.

The Aunt and Nephew stop bickering immediately and turn towards her, but their bodies still point toward each other. They’re expecting her to say something- and quickly, otherwise they’re going back to arguing.

She clears her throat again. “I used to work at the sweets shop in the mall and actually really enjoyed baking the pastries and stuff . And I could use some extra cash…”

“Doesn’t your foster parent provide you an allowance?” Kylo’s response is incredibly quick, almost biting.

_How would he know that?_

Her expression must give away her silent question. Kylo narrows his eyes at her and responds, “I assume a well behaved kid such as yourself gets some sort of reward for not being a brat?”

The three of them are at a standstill until the bell rings and another customer walks in, a young couple right behind him. She looks between Maz and Kylo, who are both looking at her and then each other.

“Maz, I brought her here hoping to showcase some of your hospitality and instead you decide to steal her away,” Kylo growls, his body almost folding over so he could get into Maz’s space. Then, Kylo abruptly stands up and cocks his head down at Maz. “You planned this!” A strong finger juts into the small woman’s thick glasses. It is an unquestionably disrespectful gesture, especially to his elderly! Rey reconsiders what her friends meant about him being… What was the term? A _dick_.

Rey notices that the customers seem to ignore the feuding pair, like it was something that happened regularly at Kanata Bakery. Regardless, she begins to fidget, feeling to need to at least go greet them. 

“Oh? Tell me how I planned your unannounced visit? How I planned my morning crew to call out sick?”

“Crew? A crew means implies more than one person, Maz. The only crew you have is Ahsoka, who just graduated by the way, surely you knew that. You realize it’s Sunday and kids were probably partying all weekend, right? Of course she would have been ‘feeling sick’ this morning! This is what you get for only having one employee! I don’t even understand how you keep in business!”

Maz is already smiling, as if she’s trapped him. “So you’re saying… That I need more help?”

Kylo blinks, does that weird thing with his jaw again, and Maz snickers. Then he whips around and stalks toward the back. “We’re not doing this now. Rey, go help the next customers. Maz, I’ll see you in the kitchen.”

Rey can only nod. A blue and white pinstripe apron is thrown at her head.

The lunch rush ends in the early afternoon. Ahsoka, who Rey barely had a chance to speak to other than introducing themselves to each other, eventually showed up at noon, just about an hour after Rey and Kylo had arrived. Kylo was not happy, as Asohka seemed in normal health- aside from complaining about a headache to Maz. 

Rey suspects Maz knew Ahsoka would be hungover, but chose not to say anything about it. She has to agree with Kylo about how Maz runs the bakery with just two people, especially if one of them becomes sick or needs time off. Granted, the bakery is only open until very early afternoon; it still seems bizarre that Maz wouldn’t atleast have a third person. By the way Kylo chastised her about her non-existent crew, it seems she’d been running shop like this for a while. The bakery isn’t exactly new either, so whatever Maz has been doing for however long must be working.

The ride back to L’s house is quiet. Kylo Ren does not listen to music. This makes Rey a lot more anxious. Her knees bounce up and down from underneath her new employee packet and apron. She fiddles with the makeshift name tag with “Rey” written on it in impeccable handwriting, a crudely drawn picture of the sun right next to it, courtesy of the man sitting next to her. She thinks he drew the sun like a kindergartener on purpose.

“You could have said no,” Kylo says suddenly.

“She seems really nice!”

“Which one. The lazy girl or the crazy pirate?”

This makes Rey laugh, a hard snort. She covers her face with her new employee packet and then falls into a fit of laughter, mainly at herself for making a stupid sound in the first place.

She can hear Kylo laughing quietly next to her, but she doesn’t feel embarrassed. She feels…. Content.

Kylo doesn’t get out of the car when he drops her off. 

“Hey,” he says out to her from his window. She’s only made it a few feet from his car. “Sorry about earlier. I didn’t mean to get that way.” He’s acknowledging his rudeness at the shop, she assumes.

“No it’s okay. I know this may sound crazy but it kind of made it feel like a family, and I could use some more of that.” It’s meant to sound like a joke, but it comes out sad anyway. She’s glad she can’t see Kylo’s eyes behind his dark glasses, because maybe he is sad for her too, and she hates pity.

“It’s difficult with you. I can’t explain it. Or maybe I just shouldn’t,” he says. She can see his grip on his steering wheel clenching and relaxing. It’s weird that she picks up on the smallest of his gestures.

The situation feels too intense, too close, even with Kylo sitting in his car.

Rey remembers something from earlier and tries to divert the conversation. “Hey, you told me we’d get food this morning! What kind of friend promises me food and doesn’t deliver?”

Kylo smiles, and Rey can almost catch the wrinkles of his eyes from behind his dark glasses. “I’ll see you around, kid.”

It’s evening when Rose shows up at her door with Starbucks and takeout. “From lunch with Paige,” she says as she hands he plastic bag over to Rey. 

“Chinese? This is gonna be an excellent night,” Finn says from behind Rose.

“I tried leaving him at home,” Rose says, her brows falling low on her face.

Rey laughs as she closes the door behind them.

After they spend a good hour talking about Rose’s morning with her sister, Finn cuts in abruptly and says, “Rose. Tell her what else you saw this morning.”

Rose’s eyes go wide and she bounces up and down in excitement. 

“Ohhhh my… Rey, guess who I saw this morning,” Rose says, leaning over the coffee table to grab a crab rangoon from the togo box. L has a gorgeous live edge wood dining table, with chairs that feel like they weigh as much as a car, but it has never been properly used for dining. When Rey has friends over, the three of them crowd around the coffee table, their legs splayed out underneath it, food sitting at chin level.

“Just tell her. You wouldn’t shut up about it to me all day!” Finn says, pointing at Rose with chopsticks.

“Okay! Okay! So, Paige and I went to breakfast this morning at The Sarlaac, you know, that hole in the wall breakfast place owned by the twin brothers from New Zealand? Kylo and Kaydel were there! And Kaydel did not look happy. I made Paige get a seat close enough to them that I could try to hear without them seeing me. It sounded like they were arguing. Well, Kaydel was arguing- I didn’t really hear Kylo much!”

“But tell her what you heard,” Finn presses.

“I’m getting to that!” Rose look at Rey with an almost apologetic look. “I heard your name, Rey. I really couldn’t hear what else they were saying, but I know I heard your name. She was probably mad at him for taking you home from the party. It only makes sense.”

Rey is speechless. She had been wanting to tell them about her weird morning with Kylo at Kanata’s, but it seems to be a very bad idea now. 

“Rose, I want my twenty bucks back,” Finn jokes.

“Yeah right! If they broke up, it means they _were_ dating, so I’m still right. Anyway, money’s been spent fly boy,” Rose says as she flicks a noodle across Rey’s face, hitting Finn on the cheek.

“So, what do you think?” Rose casually asks Rey as she stuffs her face with leftovers.

“Ab-- about what?” Rey stutters.

“Kylo Ren! I mean, he took you home and stuff. What happened?”

The delay in Rey’s pending response causes her friends to jump to conclusions.

“Did something happen!?” Both Finn and Rose put their bowls down and push Rey back, getting in her face.

“What? No. No! First of all, he’s like twenty something, remember Rose? _You_ said that. I don’t even think that’s legal. Second, I don’t think I caused them to break up. Maybe they’re not even broken up! Who knows! Maybe they were just having a conversation. I’m sure it was loud in the restaurant.”

“You’re seventeen, Rey. What is a few years difference anyway. And they were most definitely breaking up. Call me creepy or whatever, but I noticed he was wearing the same clothes he wore to the party. So obviously he didn’t go back to his place after dropping you off. So he spent the night, they went to breakfast, then bam! After Kaydel finished yelling at him, she just got up and left and he sat there for like… I dunno, we left before he did,” Rose says.

“I think you guys are jumping to conclusions, okay? I feel bad enough that he had to take me home…”

Her friends narrow their eyes at her, but drop the subject anyway, only to ask her what she did with her morning instead.

She almost chokes on her crab rangoon.

“Uh… I slept in.” She’s not really lying if she just doesn’t tell all of the story, right?

“And then?” Rose asks, trying to grab a single piece of noodle from the bottom corner of her box.

“I got a job.”

Rose and Finn both perk up. “What? Where? How!” Rose asks.

“It was… A weird circumstance.”

“Well? Where at?”

Rey isn’t sure if telling them that information might give anything away. But she’d also feel really bad for not telling them. Or worse, actually lying.

“I uh… I’m gonna start working at Kanata’s Bakery in a week.”

“Oh the cakes there are to die for. Asohka works there! She just graduated this year. Super cool girl. Kind of a hippy.”

_Yep, bad idea. They know this place. They even know the other employee._

“Yeah,” _Steer the conversation away. Steer away._

“How did you get a job there? Maz has basically been running that place by herself for as long as I know!” Finn just has to ask.

“I… went to eat there this morning, and we just clicked?”

_Shit._

“You went out to eat? Did Mr. Starkiller come home?”

_Extra shit._

Well. She might as well just get it over with. “No, Kylo actually came by in the morning to check in on me and took me to brunch. We didn’t get to eat though, because when we got there, the lunch rush started and Ahsoka had called out. So I helped out, got offered a job. Asohka came in later and I met her, didn’t get to talk to her much. Then Kylo took me home, and now here we are.” Rey lets out a long hard breath.

“OH MY GOD. REY,” Rose gasps.

“It’s not what you think! It’s weird. Like he could be my brother. I just feel like I’ve known him for forever,” Rey says.

“Are you kidding? I’m willing to bet that Kylo went straight to you after what happened with Kaydel. He can’t keep away from you! And I really hope he’s not your brother, that would be disappointing. That man is gorgeous and seems like a really nice guy.”

“That’s… arguable. The part about him being nice I mean! But that’s exactly what I’m trying to say. It just felt like I was hanging out with my older brother and aunt. It wasn’t romantic or anything, okay?”

“We’ll see about that. I am going to follow up about this, Rey, you better believe it,” Rose snickers. And then, finally, she seems to let go of the subject for now. “Well that’s cool about the job. My parents don’t want me to work yet. Study study study. Or I could be like Paige and go see a recruiter. What about you Finn? Summer officially starts tomorrow. What are you doing?”

“Funny you say recruiter. I think I’m going to start going to PT training on Thursdays, just to get some exercise in. Maybe talk to a few people, see what it’s like being in the troops,” Finn responds.

Rey breathes a little better with her friends having calmed down from the previous topics.

They spend the rest of their day watching crappy horror movies and eating junk food, relishing in the fact they they don’t have school the following morning.

Rey, however, spends all of it very distracted. She can’t stop thinking about her day, about the news Rose provided her. What it all means. Why everything suddenly feels like it’s revolving around a certain someone.

Summer has only begun and she already feels like napping for a week straight.


	6. The Reason

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo talks, a lot.
> 
> Rey meets Ahsoka, like for real.

Rey doesn’t nap for a week, but it passes by anyway without much excitement. Rose is busy playing tourist with Paige, and Finn “needs to physically prepare” for his first day of PT training, which actually means _he_ will be sleeping until then.

Kylo doesn’t randomly show up either, and Rey chastises herself for thinking he might, because maybe that could be a normal thing for him to do, even though he’d only done it once before and had a good reason for it.

Rey had also broken the news to L about getting a job. He was happy for her, explained it was a good way to learn real world experience for after high school. He did however, point out that she had no car of her own, and that he “worked out of town” too often to leave his home for her, ignoring the fact that she didn’t even have her license yet anyway. She promised him she’d be fine- the bus routes in their area were much better than anything she had in Arizona, so she’d be able to get around just fine. In truth, Rey calculated the cost of maintaining a used car and decided it was probably better without one for now. 

Maz wants to start her on a Monday. She had explained to Rey that while she didn’t doubt her new employee’s ability to handle the weekend rushes, there was more to working there than bussing tables and showing customers pastries.

It’s nine in the morning on Monday as Rey bounces around her kitchen, completely ready for work but with too much time left before she needs to head to the bus stop. She checks her backpack again and again, making sure she’s not missing anything. She checks her wallet even more times, making sure there’s enough cash for the bus- she’ll need to drop by a station to pick up a bus card soon. 

“Oh.. Or even the train!” Rey thinks aloud. 

She makes herself a smoothie to kill the long minutes that pass, putting it into a bottle to take to go. She decides to leave a little early; she’ll just take her time walking to the stop.

 

Rey sits alone at the station with headphones in, listening to a hand me down iPod Rose had gifted her for her seventeenth birthday just a couple months ago. Traffic at this time is heavier than she expects, considering people usually start their day earlier. Her music plays a little loud, so she doesn’t hear the exhaust screeching down the road before the black car stops abruptly in front of the bus stop. Rey is too zoned out to immediately recognize it. When she does, her jaw drops so far she might need help bringing it back up. She pulls out one headphone, as if gaining some hearing could make this situation seem less ridiculous.

Kylo is parked at an angle, the passenger side view mirror of his coupe almost touching the post of the bus station cover. He rolls down the passenger window and calls out, “Get in.”

Rey continues to stare at him, her mouth agape. The other headphone has fallen out and she definitely has all her senses back- she can hear his car, smell its freshly burned tires, hear his voice, but she’s so stunned she can’t quite get up yet.

“Rey,” he says- warns. 

She finally gets up slowly, dragging her feet to carry her to the door that he’s already impatiently opened.

When she gets in, he doesn’t even give her the chance to buckle her harness straps. His hands are all over them, fastening buckles and yanking down straps until she’s snugly fit.

He peels away from the curb, cutting off the next car in traffic and slipping between it and the car in front effortlessly. 

“Kylo?” Rey asks timidly. She had caught his expression earlier while he was rushing to strap her in. He seemed… upset. Rey suddenly remembers what Rose thought she had overheard at The Sarlaac. 

He looks at her, a frown low set on over his eyes. Rey gasps involuntarily. 

“Maz told me you started today. I was going to pick you up and take you. When I got to your house, nobody answered even after I almost broke your door down knocking so hard. I considered your options for getting to work and found you there. Happy?”

Rey doesn’t know how to immediately respond. She can’t stop thinking about Rose’s comment about him not being able to stay away, and a blush creeps into her cheeks. 

 

They make it to the parking lot behind Kanata’s bakery in less than half the time it would have taken her to get there by bus. Rey still has half an hour before her shift starts, but she’s not sure she can sit in such a small space for much longer with a man who looks like he could implode any moment.

“I’m gonna head in early… Maybe she needs some help cleaning or something,” she mumbles as she starts undoing her harness.

“Rey,” Kylo says quietly.

“I could probably help do dishes, or maybe she has some more paperwork I need to fill out.”

“Rey.”

“Some of the display windows were dirty with little handprints all over them last time we were there, I could probably clean those.”

Rey finally looks up when Kylo’s hands cover hers to loosen the last strap. He brings his hand to lift her face and turn it towards him. The redness in her cheeks that had been dying flare up again; she can even feel it in her ears.

“Rey,” he says, way too close to her face. And then he pulls away, reminiscent of the way he acted that night at the party after examining her. Like it pains him to touch her.

_I just can’t figure you out._

Kylo lets out a sigh. “Look, this is going to sound a little... I just— I have this feeling like I need to protect you. Maybe it’s because I know you get headaches sometimes and pass out, I don’t know.. I just got nervous when you didn’t open your door after I’d knocked so many times. Maybe I’m even overreacting. But I can’t seem to… Not be where you are.”

She gulps. There’s a fire in her eyes and her body is threatening to put it out; she can already feel the brims leaking. It’s the strangest thing, wanting to cry suddenly, and in front of this almost stranger. Because Rey does not cry. The tears had dried up long ago, during a time that she no longer thinks about, or maybe doesn’t remember yet. She’ll take either. She watches his dashboard clock change to the next digit.

“I’m sorry,” she says, her voice airy.

“What?”

“I know you’re just trying to be nice. Maybe you feel sorry for me, because you think I’m alone. But you shouldn’t. I’m fine and have always been able to take of myself,” she says, wiping the wetness from the corners of her eyes before they dare make it to her cheeks. She’s stuck between anger and confusion at the fact that she’s _fucking crying_. “Besides, I think I’m just causing you trouble.”

She sneaks a look at him from the side of her eyes and the look on his face almost breaks her to pieces. 

She’s never seen a pair of eyes hold so much of _everything_ , staring at her with such tenacity she can feel herself getting pulled into his orbit. It’s so much emotion for someone to give her who doesn’t even know her yet. 

But maybe that’s why it hurts her. Because this person, who came out of nowhere, wants to care, and she doesn’t need it. He’ll just end up getting tired of her or leaving her, whichever. She’d decided when she met Rose and Finn that although she’d accept them as friends, she could never give them all of who she is. It’s her failsafe, in case they ever stray away from her. She expects that anyway, as it seems common after high school ends and people move on with their lives, their real lives.

And that’s what she’ll do, too. After she gets out, she’ll move away, start fresh somewhere new, maybe even choose a new name for herself. Let the past die. Kill it, if she has to.

She doesn’t _deserve_ his care either, because either he’ll leave her, or she’ll eventually leave him.

“Why do you say that?” Kylo asks, fuzzy over her loud thoughts. “How could you possibly have caused me trouble already?” It almost sounds like a laugh.

Sure, her concern might sound ridiculous but Kylo doesn’t know Rose had overheard him and Kaydel.

Or maybe he does know. Because he just seems to know things that Rey doesn’t have to verbalize.

“Ah. Is this about your friend?”

“My— my friend?” 

Kylo leans back in his seat, his left elbow resting over his open window, hand combing his hair back. “Rose isn’t very sneaky, you know. Paige is pretty good, but Rose couldn’t hide if you covered her in a ghillie suit and threw her down a ravine.” It’s a slightly morbid picture but Rey gets it, and it almost makes her laugh. “What did she tell you?”

And just like that, the strange moment of intimacy is replaced by different mood, and Rey appreciates the change immensely. Though she thinks hanging out with Kylo may end up giving her whiplash from his polarizing attitudes. 

“Sorry about that. She just… Gets excited at silly things,” Rey says. She doesn’t really know how to explain that her friend had thought Kylo and Kaydel were fighting because he chose Rey over his own girlfriend.

“So? What’s the rumor?”

Rey sucks in her lips to a thin line, trying to decide quickly if she should tell him. 

“You know Rey,” his voice gets an octave lower, which sends chills up her spine, spilling into tiny pockets on the surface of her skin. “I could just ask her.”

Rey is definitely one hundred percent sure that Rose would tell him everything. With that voice and those eyes and the tattoos and the gorgeous—

“No. No please don’t. It’ll just make her think even worse things.”

“So? Let’s hear it. What can a little mouse like you have done that’s already caused trouble to someone like me?”

“This is going to be really embarrassing, and I swear it’s just her hormonal teenage girl thoughts,” she starts. The corner of his mouth lifts into the smallest smirk. “She thought you and Kaydel were breaking up.”

“Ah. Well she’s not far off there. What does that have to do with you?”

“She… thinks Kaydel broke up with you because of me. Because you took me home that night of the party.”

She looks over at Kylo, who’s left hand has made its way over his mouth, concealing a grin.

“I see. So the little piggy stole the big bad wolf.”

“She just thinks you’re really ‘gorgeous and nice’, and when she found out you took me to brunch, she just jumped to conclusions.” She makes sure to air quote what Rose said, to emphasize that she really no nothing to do with this.

“And you? What do you think?” He’s leaning almost over the center console now, perched on his elbow that’s planted on the console cubby.

She doesn’t know what exactly he’s asking, but maybe if she gives him a one track answer, he won’t steer into another conversation. “I— I think it’s all just a misunderstanding. I told her the restaurant was probably loud and she overheard wrong.”

Kylo bows his head to laugh quietly. When he bring his had back up, his eyes are bright, a stark contrast to what they were just moments ago when Rey had told him she didn’t need him to care about her.

“Alright, so let’s get it straight then. Would you like to know what happened? Or do you prefer to let Rose make her own theories for a little longer?” And then the shit eating grin shows itself again and Rey almost wants to punch him. He leans away from the center console and goes back to his original position, arm out the window, hand in his hair.

“Kaydel and I… have some history. I’m not sure that dating or being her boyfriend was ever the right term for it. We’ve known each other since we were very young. Her parents were close to my mother, so we spent a lot of time together— play dates, if you will, while mother held her meetings. As we got older, I told my mom I refused to hang out with a girl anymore; I was too cool for a childhood friend. So we drifted apart. Then during my early teen years, when my— when a family tragedy happened, I shut down for a while. My mom thought I was going into depression; I didn’t talk to anyone anymore, I barely ate, I was… violent. All of my friends were too scared of me to want to see me. So of course, mother thought that Kaydel could help me— _deal with me_ , since we had been so close and Kaydel could never be scared of me. Well, when you are a— what did you call it— _hormonal teenage_ boy dealing with inner demons, and a pretty girl is given to you as a get better gift, one thing leads to another and Kaydel and I started something like a relationship. But we were still kids, and it was never healthy. I had too many issues, and she was too nice about it all the time. I couldn’t deal with it. Mother didn’t catch on, though. She thought her fix-it ticket had worked, because I did get better. And she had the right idea, to give me a friend again. But it was never Kaydel. Somewhere along the way, I met this kid, a scrappy little scavenger, who made me feel like I was a kid again, reckless and carefree in the most innocent ways. Kaydel became jealous of that, so our relationship got rocky. When I was eighteen, I had to go away because of a very poor decision I made. When I came home, Kaydel was there waiting for me with open arms, like we were children again, like nothing bad had ever happened, all my sins forgiven. She denies it, but I think my mom forced her to see me again. Whatever we had at that point became... purely physical. So. Long story short, it wasn’t you that caused the end per se. It was inevitable. We were never meant to be together, always looking for the final reason to end it for good. I let her use the one thing that’s changed since I’ve come home to cause our official separation so that my mom would stop butting in. How’s that?”’

It’s a lot of information, personal information, for Rey to take in. And the ease at which he shares bits of his life with her surprises her. She knows it would take her a lifetime and then some to open up to someone the same way.

She thinks about Rose and Finn and suddenly feels guilty about her plans, about how they’d probably just end up straying away from each other anyway.

“What happened to your friend? After you went away,” Rey asks suddenly as she tries to avert her brain from focusing on the one detail about Kylo and Kaydel’s relationship that’s sure to conjure up descriptive images.

Kylo smiles, but it doesn’t seem happy. He doesn’t turn to look at her, either, which she finds strange. His gaze is outside his windshield, somewhere far off.

“Another story for another time. Maz is expecting you in a few minutes,” he says, still not looking at her.

She looks at his dashboard clock and jumps. “Shit! I’m going to be late!” In her rush to get out of his car, she closes the door on a buckle and it swings back open. “Shit I’m so sorry!” She says as she tucks the buckle gingerly back onto the seat and closes his door in a nicer manner. She starts to run off, but then sticks her head back inside the now open passenger window to thank him.

“Sure thing, kid. Have a good morning,” he says.

Rey is too rushed to notice his change in demeanor, again.

 

Kylo watches her run around the corner, down the alleyway that will lead her to the main street that Kanata’s Bakery fronts. 

“I’m such a fucking idiot,” he sighs to himself. “I have a bad feeling about this.”

 

Maz welcomes Rey with a bright smile, Ahsoka standing beside her with an equally big grin.

“Welcome to the family, Rey! I’m so glad you got her to hire you. I swear I work more than I sleep!” Ahsoka laughs. Her hair is dreaded and weaved into two thick braids that fall heavily down her back. A chain of beads hangs between the braids. Her skin is dark tan, which makes the pale eyeshadow pop even more behind the thick black liner she wears. Underneath her apron, Ahsoka wears a maroon crop top paired with a skirt in the same color, worn over tan leggings that are stuffed into combat style boots. Rey sees similarities between her new boss and someone she thinks is going to become a good friend.

“ _Soke_ , most people work more than they sleep,” Maz says, her eye roll magnified by her thick lenses.

“You might be right about that boss, but maybe now I won’t have to open _and_ close, on the same day, as often?”

“Hey now, don’t make me look bad already, especially if you want that to happen.”

“Sorry boss. And sorry Rey, I never actually got to meet you properly. Last weekend was pretty nuts. I’m glad Kylo brought you here. I can’t believe he actually stayed to help, too! He usually slips in and out before I even get a chance to say ‘Hi’!”

Rey can’t help feeling jealous that Ahsoka talks about Kylo, but stamps that feeling down immediately, embarrassed about it. It’s just that while everyone around her seems to know all about him, he’s still a mystery to her, but he keeps sticking to her like glue. She’s starting to understand his feeling of protectiveness over her as she realizes her own possessiveness over him. 

“Rey, this week we focus on open and closing duties, since you can already work the till fine. Soke, get the training book. Although I feel like we’re going to need to change a lot of that as we go along!” Maz laughs as she beckons Rey to the counter toward the back of the shop.

“You got it boss!” Ahsoka calls as she trails off.

Rey welcomes her first day, a perfect distraction from thinking about her realizations.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yaaaay.
> 
> So, I’m still ironing out the whole let’s-introduce-everyone-and-setting-up-the-plot thing, which means a slow start where it feels like we are following Rey on a day to day basis. Once it gets going, it will moving at a faster pace within and between chapters- but slow enough to fan the ember before everything bursts into flames :>
> 
> Also, a note about characterization. This is a time sensitive story and will mostly be linear (with some flashbacks), so we are starting in like 2010 or something. Which means the characters will change over time. And it will be a fucking rollercoaster, tell you hwhat~
> 
> So sit back and enjoy the niceness before I wreck it :,D


End file.
